First kiss...

(Two guys, both 14, sit outside on their parents stoop with their skateboards)

Guy #1: Yo so guess what?

Guy #2: What?

Guy #1: You know Becky?

Guy #2: Yeah...

Guy #1: I made out with her dude!

Guy #2: NO WAY!

Guy #1: WAY!

(Kanye walks up the path to the doorway and grabs a mic)

Kanye: Yo I'm sorry to interrupt y'all discussing women n' shit like that in front of your mom's house but I just gotta say something right here. I'm really happy about you becoming more a man and all but Becky doesn't know how to kiss at all. Making out with her is more like taking a bite of a mango. She's the worst kisser PERIOD! I'm just being real with y'all, just being real with you. Also, your gonna get an unnatural fascination with Becky for a few weeks and she's going to break your heart and you're not going to know what to do about it, and she also has a cold sore. You're going to really regret this.

(Kanye drops the mic and backs away, flicking off the kids. They look at their feet in silence.)

Super Sweet 16

(Jenny is hanging out with friends at her birthday party in her backyard. Her mother goes up to a stage where the band has been playing)

Mother: Can I get everyone's attention? I just want to say happy birthday to my daughter Jenny... Happy sweet sixteen! And I think we've got a pretty great gift for her.

Jenny: What is it mom?!

Mother: A new car! I got the keys right here, why don't you come on up and get them!

(Jenny screams and is so happy and runs up and grabs the keys, she looks at her friends, teary eyed)

Jenny: Thanks so much everyone for coming out to my party! I love you all, and...

(Kanye enters and grabs the mic from her hand)

Kanye: Hey, sorry to come up here, and I'm going to let you get back to your party in a bit, but I just gotta say one thing right now. Jenny, I think you're very talented but your going to have a hard time finding love because you grew up so spoiled and you're not all that attractive. Also, I just totalled a new car that was sitting in the drive way. Just being real with you all... I'm not mean, I've totaled my own car before, so I'm not mean... just being real.

(Kanye leaves, flicking off Jenny. No one sues him, they just write about how mean he is on their blogs.)

Taylor Swift Round 2

(Taylor Swift is walking down the street. She sees a twenty dollar bill on the ground.)

Taylor: Oh hey! Twenty Dollars!

(She picks it up. Kanye storms in and grabs a microphone.)

Kanye: I'm sorry to interrupt you and I'll let you get your money in a minute, but Beyonce once found 4o dollars on the ground. Best money find of the year PERIOD!

(Kanye drops the microphone and runs away. Kanye runs back on and takes the twenty dollars like a small child. Taylor Swift goes and makes a crappy music video.)

College Acceptance

(A young man, Kevin, exits his house and walks out to the mail box. He opens up the box takes out a large envelope. His eyes widen, he tears open the envelope and starts jumping up and down)

Kevin: I got in! MOM!

(Mother enters from house)

Mother: What is it?

Kevin: I got in! I got into Brown! I got into an Ivy League!

Mother: That's wonderful honey!

(Kanye enters, picks up a mic and starts speaking)

Kanye: Hey, sorry to burst into this suburban area like this, don't mean no disrespect, and I'll let you get back to celebrating in a bit but I gotta say what's on my mind. Brown is one of the most overrated ivy league colleges there is. Just saying. It's cool that you got accepted and all but you're going to be paying a whole bunch of money and paying off loans for years to come and you won't even get an accurate grade report because you'll probably just take a bunch of pass/fail classes and still graduate. Brown is like the number one snobby school in the country, and that's according to a lot of publications... also, you didn't get into Yale. Just being real with y'all.

(Kanye leaves, flicking off the mother. They sit in silence. Kanye apologizes on his blog.)

Going to Homecoming

(A mother and a daughter sit in the daughter's room. The daughter is in a homecoming dress, the mother is fixing the daughter's hair)

Mother: You look terrific... are you excited?

Daughter: I'm nervous! What if Jeremy doesn't like me?

Mother: He'll like you, sweetie. He asked you to homecoming right?

Daughter: Yeah, he did.

Mother: You have nothing to worry about... you're beautiful and Jeremy will be floored by how gorgeous you are.

(Kanye West bursts into the room, pulls out a mic and starts speaking to them)

Kanye: Hey y'all... I'm really sorry to come busting in like this, and I'm gonna let you finish getting ready for the dance but there's something I gotta say right now... Jeremy only asked you out because he couldn't get his first choice of Jenny the cheerleader... that's true, I'm sorry for being real, but Jenny has got the best ass of Eastside High PERIOD and the best personality to boot... Jeremy wanted to ask Jenny but couldn't get up the nerve... just being real.

(Kanye drops the microphone and exits the room. Daughter starts crying. People begin twittering about it)